We are our greatest critics. Our voice, our unique is often squashed under the unmet expectations of should.
How often do you roll your eyes internally about yourself?
I have been on a healing journey over the last few years and I am far from finished, but one of the greatest places of healing has been the way I speak to myself. We are often our greatest critics and our hearts grieve for kindness.
My body has held onto expectations that have been hidden my whole life. My heart has had scars reverberating through my years from words spoken that have been etched inside my today. My mind worries often about what has gone and gives constant suggestions of what could have been.
Do you fight with yourself?
Is the greatest conflict you encounter an internal one?
I have been on a journey of discovery my friend and it is a never ending story of hope and broken bridges. Life is art not science and I am seeking the beauty of simplicity in the folds of its palette.
Relying on God has to begin all over again everyday as if nothing yet had been done.
I am learning to pause and find grace with myself. Being kinder in the words I speak internally and the expectations I yearn for perfection. I am learning to say “It’s okay, you are doing you’re best.” Where in the past I would of ached with shame and the weight of responsibility.
I am learning the deep satisfaction of living a quiet life. One that doesn’t need affirmation or acknowledgement of others to find my sense of success and contribution. Slowing down to appreciate the simplicity of moments and smiling as a friend with low expectations rings to say hello.
I am smiling often when I just let something go and allow a thought of drivenness to arrive, then wave it goodbye as it walks away. I am remembering it is okay to sleep in and also go to bed early and that when I turn off my phone and I miss a call, that it is not the end of the world. It is okay to not be okay, it is also okay to be not enough. Sitting in the space of growth and discovery, finding life awakening in the very broken parts of our humanity.
I am swelling with thankfulness in realising that if someone disagree’s with me, it is not my place to try and convince them of my side of the story. The great satisfaction in removing myself from conversations and spaces that are not helpful, healthy or whole. I want to celebrate different and live in the deep place of wanting to learn more every single day.
How do we stop fighting with ourselves?
We do this by slowing.
Saying sorry, sorry, sorry.
and allowing ourselves to grow in those places that we just want to hide from the world.
Be a poem my friend,
and its structure is the way that we speak to ourselves.